The Animal in Me

I was at work, taking a “quick” look at Facebook.
Two screens!

I stumbled upon a post, with a picture of a calf.
Foooooood

Although I’m an enthusiastic omnivore, this actually bothered me.
I don’t mind eating animals.
I mean, they eat each other, for one thing.
Also, it doesn’t bother them to be dead, since they’re dead.

But the thought of animals being kept motionless, immobile, growing flabby and weak and tender -
2

Seperate vs. Separate

Seperate or separate?

In English 2.0, it doesn’t matter.

But for those of you who have a hard time grasping new concepts, here’s a way to remember:

Bruce Lee can sepARATE bricks using kARATE.

 

Q) Yeah, but what if I don’t remember whether it’s karate or kerate?

A) Here’s a way to remember the correct spelling of karate:

Bruce Lee can sepARATE bricks using kARATE.

Mustache Update

Okay, regarding The Mysterious Mustache:

I saw the guy again (in his older version), and snapped a photo.

I’m only going to post his mustache here, because:

A) If he sees that I took (and posted) a full picture of him, he might have no choice but to either kill me or force me to join his weird cult of bemustached time travelers (which is not a good thing because I like my hair and don’t want to shave it off);

B) The mustache IS his main feature.

So here it is:

mustache

 

_________

UPDATE:

Yeah, I know I said it’d just be his mustache but really I also got a bit of his nose and most of his lower lip, but the mustache wouldn’t be recognizable otherwise.

_________

ANOTHER UPDATE:

I ate some sushi recently. It has nothing to do with this post, but I thought I’d update you about it anyway.

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ONE MORE UPDATE FOR NOW:

It was pretty good.

_________

ANOTHER UPDATE:

Oh, God. I should not have eaten left-over sushi for breakfast. Uggg.

The Mysterious Mustache

This post is about The Mysterious Mustache, just like the title says.
Also – just like the title says – this post is not about murdering madmen.
I hope.

This post is also about sweatpants.
And about shaven heads.
And sleeveless undershirts.
And people who have all those things.
But mostly the mustache, which is also spelled moustache, and also misspelled mustash.

It all started when I was born.
About 27 years later, I was on a bus one Thursday evening, on my usual weekly-Thursday-evening-bus-ride.
That’s when I saw the weird guy.

Before you call me an anti-weird-guy bigot, let me tell you that you’re right.
This guy was shaven (at least his head was), except for his ginormous walrus mustache.
On top of that (which – ironically – was actually underneath it) the guy wore a black, sleeveless undershirt and black sweatpants that were pulled all the way up to his armpits.

Seriously.
Imagine it.
He looked pretty much like this:
mysterious mustache man
only a million times weirder.

His knees are bent because he’s sitting, by the way.

And then I saw him the next week.

And the next.

And then the next week I didn’t see him because I hadn’t been on the bus for some reason.

And then the next he was back again.

And then he wasn’t.

Anyhow, I figured this was just some weird guy, right?

Wrong.

Because a few weeks later, I saw someone else on the same bus.
The someone else was a couple of decades younger, but he had:

  • The same shaven head
  • The same black, sleeveless undershirt
  • The same black sweatpants pulled all the way up to his armpits
  • And the same walrus mustache!!1

These guys might both belong to the American Mustache Institute, which turns out to be an actual thing from real life, or part of some super-secret cult where everybody has to walk around with sweatpants-wedgies and grow gigantic mustaches.

Only I don’t think they’re from the American Mustache Institute, so they must be members of this sickly cult.

So if anyone of you readers knows something about this cult, I beg you to let us know!

I’m going to end this post in awkward silence.

 

 

Gosh, this is awkward.

 

 

 

Maybe if I just wait quietly, everyone will just walk away.

 

 

 


 

SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!

As reader Svlad pointed out, these two mustache-people might be the same guy, and he can TIME-TRAVEL.

This is earth-shattering news, if it’s true, because until now I thought I was the only one who could travel through time.

This guy might be a deadly rival or a trusted colleague.
Either way, I’m afraid of his sweatpants thing.

I guess this would also make him a member of the One Man With Huge Mustache And Weird Sweatpants Pulled All The Way Up Who Can Travel Through Time Cult.

Important Announcement The Second

My brand-new new important is this:
I’ve drawn a picture of myself!
Jack

Yes, done in cheapie Ms-Paint!

Q) How did you do that?
A) Like this:
Jack

But seriously, now.
I doned it with some sort of pen-and-tablet thingy (not sure what it’s actually called. I think I’ll call it a penlet.).

The pen-and-tablet thingy (penlet didn’t catch. It really is an incredibly idiotic name.)
Um, where was I? I hate it when I interrupt myself in the middle of a sentence.
Oh yeah.
The pen-and-tablet-thingy-which-I-don’t-call-a-penlet is an awesome gift I got from the awesome people in the place where I used to work, which I don’t work in any more (which is why they gave me this awesome gift).

I’m actually quite not sure what the important announcement was.
I interrupted myself again and kind of forgot what this whole post was about.

Oh, well.

Maybe I just wanted to show off or something.